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A young surveyor makes his way toward his final job of the day. He鈥檚 been tasked with inspecting a cave in a remote area for structural integrity. The cave is located at the center of a densely-wooded 80 acre plot of land owned by a disgruntled 45 year old man, Mr. Reynolds. The surveyor weaves his way up the final quarter mile of the dirt road leading to Mr. Reynolds鈥� cottage, and steps out of his car.
He rudely begins opening the front door almost at the same moment he has knocked, seemingly not concerned with whether or not the man on the other side actually wishes to grant him entry. He introduces himself, and quickly informs Mr. Reynolds that he has come to perform an inspection of the cave on his property. This inspection, the surveryor explains, has been recommended by the American Spelunking Society due to their belief that the cave actually spans the entirety of Mr. Reynolds鈥� 80 acres, therefore potentially posing a serious risk for him were there any structural faults.

鈥淚鈥檝e been living here 45 years and haven鈥檛 had a problem yet!鈥� Mr. Reynolds bellows indignantly after the surveyor finishes his dissertation.

We at the A.S.S. have reviewed the county records and are fully aware that there haven鈥檛 been any issues for you yet, sir, but the cave is the only part of your land that hasn鈥檛 been directly examined since you鈥檝e been here. Plus, living here longer actually increases the risk for several common structural issues we鈥檙e concerned about with caves, and catching these things earlier also increases the chances that any issue we might find could be repaired or at least prevented from getting worse.

鈥淲ell what鈥檔a hell kinda issues is your department lookin鈥� for, anyway? It鈥檚 just a cave, and it seems to me it ain鈥檛 no different than any other cave out there. I don鈥檛 know why you鈥檙e so worried about this one here!鈥�

He pauses, then continues, 鈥淟ike I said, I鈥檝e been livin鈥� here my whole life, so why isn鈥檛 just askin鈥� me if there鈥檚 a problem with the cave enough to satisfy your department?鈥�

Well, I want to make it clear that the choice of whether or not to proceed with the inspection is ultimately your decision, but the A.S.S. recommends regular yearly checks for those in your
circumstances. There are a number of things we look for during an inspection. We want to check to make sure there hasn鈥檛 been any abnormal growth or thickening of the walls at the far end of the passage, and we also check for abnormal cave formations or substances that we shouldn鈥檛 see in鈥�

The agitated man cuts the young surveyor off. 鈥淥h, alright, inspect the damn cave. But make it quick, and I鈥檓 coming with you to make sure there鈥檚 no snoopin鈥� around while you鈥檙e down there.鈥�

They march silently down a hill to the mouth of the cave, but the surveyor stops. He looks around the exterior of the opening for a few moments thoughtfully.

You鈥檙e gonna need to wait right here鈥�I can鈥檛 take you in there with me.

鈥淚 was afraid you might say that,鈥� Mr. Reynolds murmurs nervously. 鈥淟isten, you get out of there as soon as you鈥檝e seen what you need to see. And watch your step and don鈥檛 touch anything you don鈥檛 have to.鈥�

Alright, Mr. Reynolds, I understand your concerns. I鈥檒l be careful. Would you mind turning around? I know this inspection is something you鈥檙e not entirely comfortable with, so I think it鈥檚 best if you don鈥檛 watch.

Mr. Reynolds nods solemnly, and looks away as the surveyor begins to put on his spelunking gear. Had Mr. Reynolds been looking, he may have noticed a change in the young surveyor鈥檚 demeanor. His hands are now cold and a little sweaty, and he struggles to get his gloves on. He mouths a few words as though coaching himself onward. He hadn鈥檛 disclosed to Mr. Reynolds that he had only been working as a surveyor for about 2 years, and most of that period was spent in an office pushing papers, rather than doing field work. Even worse, he figured his boss was probably on the way to repeat the inspection since he wasn鈥檛 yet fully certified. He should have probably told Mr. Reynolds this up front, but his boss told him not to because it would decrease the odds of him being allowed to perform the initial investigation. Perhaps 20 seconds passed, but it felt like hours for Mr. Reynolds.

OK, Mr. Reynolds, I鈥檓 going to begin the inspection.

Both men take a deep breath. The surveyor steps sure-footedly into the darkness, seemingly having regained his confidence. At least that鈥檚 what he projects.

Only a few steps into the cave, the light from the mouth of the cave no longer illuminates the surveyor鈥檚 path. He pauses in hopes of allowing the tension of the situation to abate a little. Still a little unnerved by his unfamiliar surroundings, the surveyor convinces himself that it鈥檚 time to push forward, and he marches deliberately toward the posterior end of the passage. He tells himself that despite not really being able to see anything, he knows where he鈥檚 going, and that he has a pretty good idea what he should find there. He鈥檚 been in a few caves before, but always with his supervisor鈥檚 guidance. He finally arrives at the first location he wishes to inspect, and everything seems to be fine. I鈥檓 almost positive everything is fine here. It鈥檚 all structurally the same as what he鈥檚 seen in the prior caves, which he has been told repeatedly is normal cave architecture. Alright, everything is fine here. He turns around and begins retracing his steps. This time, he pays a little more attention to his surroundings. He does a quick sweep of the walls on both sides, and doesn鈥檛 notice any abnormal or concerning formations. Alright, nothing to worry about, almost finished here. As he reaches the mouth of the cave, he takes out a plastic vial and collects a sample of cave material from his glove for lab analysis.

A long time had passed before the surveyor reappeared before Mr. Reynolds. Or was it a short time? Neither man was really certain.

鈥淎re we done here?鈥� Mr. Reynolds asks. A pause. 鈥淗ey, I said are we through here?鈥�

The surveyor doesn鈥檛 answer initially, appearing dazed. Oh, yes Mr. Reynolds, I apologize, I just鈥� Another pause. The surveyor鈥檚 vision goes cloudy. He looks down at his feet, but finds a pair of black leather dress shoes where his muddy boots should have been. He looks up 鈥� gone is the cave and the cottage amidst the trees 鈥� he鈥檚 standing in a brightly lit exam room. A man sitting on the table leans forward with an inpatient stare.

鈥淵ou look like you鈥檙e daydreamin鈥�, Doc. Anyway, what鈥檚 the verdict?鈥�

Your rectal exam was completely normal, Mr. Reynolds. Your prostate is within the normal size range, and I didn鈥檛 detect any nodules or irregularities during the course of the exam. I also didn鈥檛 notice any visible blood in your stool, but I鈥檝e collected a sample of fecal material for the lab to be certain. We鈥檒l get you those results as soon as we can.

鈥淎lright, good to hear, Doc. That wasn鈥檛 as bad as I thought it would be鈥�I mean I鈥檓 not sayin鈥� it was fun鈥�but I鈥檓 still here, right?鈥�

Well, I鈥檓 glad to hear you feel that way. I know it鈥檚 not a pleasant process, but I hope you trust that we wouldn鈥檛 perform the exam if it wasn鈥檛 an effective means of making sure you鈥檙e healthy. If it鈥檚 alright with you, I鈥檒l go get Dr. J. and share these findings with him, and we will both return in a few moments to speak with you. There鈥檚 a chance he may want to repeat some portions of the physical exam, as I鈥檓 still in the course of completing my medical training. Before I go, though, do you have any questions for me?

鈥淥hh鈥�uhhh鈥�.naw, son. You鈥檙e fine. Just go find Dr. J. for me.鈥�